Deconstruction of a Choking Mountain Biker

What I want to do today is rip apart what I'm doing so that I can try and break down the blocks that are holding me back, because I do believe a lot of it is in my head. Practicing will bring improvements, which will increase my confidence, relaxing me further, but if I could get that relaxation first, I'm sure the improvements would come much faster.

Where to start? Lets look at where it all started to go wrong on Wednesday. I was in a good mood, I was attacking the uphill section more than normal, trying to get my speed up & get the flow going. And I was having fun doing it. I was moving up the gears, getting into the middle ring at the front on the flatter bits so I could boost up & down any wee dips. As I came to a steeper bit, I dropped down to the wee ring, and the chain popped off on the inside - I was expecting a sudden change in cadence with the shift, so it just confused me when there was no traction. By the time I realised what was going on, I was heading sideways without any chance to unclip my foot (thankfully I fell uphill), giving my left knee the first rattle of the day (the bike is new and I'm guessing its just the cables are bedding in & need tweaked).
That first blow to my confidence, so early on, was killer. Uphill, I was scared to go up the front gears for fear of it happening again. For the next wee while, the adrenaline dump that I'd got from it, along with the fact that I was working hard uphill (and maybe had one layer too many on) left me feeling that I was ripping all the energy out of my blood, and I wasn't replenishing it fast enough. Really, what I probably needed to do was stop at the end of a trail, have a banana, chill out, relax and get my heart rate back down to normal but I was being stubborn & didn't want to admit defeat or wanted to get stuck in & prove I could do this, so just cracked on, choking on numerous corners and taking a couple of more wee tumbles.
My bottle had well and truly crashed.
We left the top car park heading on up the track. I attacked going up the short steep climb just after the red has rejoined harder than before, trying to get that flow back, but topped out in typically sketchy affair. I went straight down the wee incline though, which gave me another increase in stress levels and everything started to tense up. So frustrating. I choked on so many corners on that stretch; some of them that I'd done with no problem the first time I'd been to Glentress.
Cranked on up to the top of Betty Blue, and was feeling better, but as we started to descend, I just baulked at so many corners it was unreal. I couldn't see the corners, but rather I was mostly only seeing the edge & the steep hillside away from it. Right hand turns were the worst - I think I unclipped for every one of them.
Anyways. Betty blue was done and I got to unleash high speeds on the fire track back round to the next section. The sheer enjoyment I get from going fast on a bike calmed me down nicely in advance of the next section, and things started flowing again, if not as well as I would've hoped. But it was feeling good & I was getting my speed up again, so that I was able to cane it down the hill into the dip where the uphill route passes, and blitz back up the other side in my middle ring at the front (I then lost momentum & had to drop to the small ring, but hey, it was a massive improvement on any other time I've hit that dip). Was feeling good, but also very hungry at this point, so cracked on down Blue velvet. Coming out of the section, I wanted to flow straight down into Berm Baby Berm, but, me being me, there was someone coming up the hill, and I didn't turn fast enough, so I stacked it so as I didn't rattle into him, giving my left knee a hefty whack in the process. Berm Baby Berm rather than being a fast flowing fun section, became a tentative slow section as I made sure my knee was holding up. Thankfully there was no restriction in my movement - it just hurt!
I was still fairly nervous heading down from the carpark on Electric Blue, foot out on many corners (again with those tight right handers), slowed up and foot off for the three rapid bumps that I'd flown over the time before. I did have a go at the wee drop offs however, and really nailed one of the bigger (hey! they are big to me :p ) ones, but my landing at speed was a little sketchy and I felt BOOF! the stress in my body shoot back up. But the thing was, it was sketchy but completly under control - it was a beautiful movement which should've felt amazing, instead of the mix of amazement and fear I had.
So the last section was fun but slower and more cautious than before.

Where does this leave me? Clearly, I need more practice. Lessons would be a good idea. I've got some books to read up on technique. I then need to go out & use the techniques. I need to sort out nutrition & learn how to best to deal with the stress & what it does to my body (whats best after an adrenaline dump like that? Fast energy like a gel? Slow like bananas? A combination?).

Theres always more to learn.

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